Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
