Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
