im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
