I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
