nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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