are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
