I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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