Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
