i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
