I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
