just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
