Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
