Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I puked a lego.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
