guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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