I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Randomize
