last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
