what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
