when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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