I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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