Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
