I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
