he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
