Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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