If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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