Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
