dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
