there's paper in my vomit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
