Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And then he peed in my hair
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