youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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