He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
