Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dick has a subreddit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
