That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
