I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
