what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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