PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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