I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
