thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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