____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
