The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
