Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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