i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
