She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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