just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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