their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
