I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
