I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
