He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
