Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
false alarm. still invincible.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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