these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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