U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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