So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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