i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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