dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
