You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
