fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
