My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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