Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
