goodnight i made you a song goodbye
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
