Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
