i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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