My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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