I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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