i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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