6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
