Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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