i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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