Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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