He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
People with herpes should wear stickers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
