My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
